They are but children

Remember Middle School? I know, I know most of you have forgotten those memories for good reason, but lately I've been reminded of those hallowed days wrought with tension, angst, and awkwardity. Currently I work at a middle school and I've noticed that the best teachers are those that can remain calm within the worst of circumstances. I think to myself, how can they do that? Then one day I realized why. They understand that the beings whose welfare they concern themselves with are children, they aren't less than anyone else, but they have yet to completely develop. You know I find myself saying this a lot and many times it's a reality check for me, but recently it's opened a window to the past for me.
I had a bully in middle school, whose sole purpose for living was to make my life a living hell. Everyday I dreaded the beep of the alarm, the crack of daylight through the window, the bus ride to school, and especially the smell of stagnet air in my first period class because of him. His name was Rocky. You know the painful words and actions used effortlessly by Rocky followed me through highschool, college, and still at times haunt me today. It's funny how the actions of a few can trigger something in one's mind that equates those actions with ones worth on the grand scale. One day while at work I realized that Rocky was the same age as the children whose words I say have no bearing on who I am. Then I realized that my job was teaching me how to relieve my insecurities about my past. Isn't that amazing.
I find that the harder I search for God in all facets of my life the more he heals and repairs my heart with these experiences. This is what I love most about my life. The way I am able to find the greatest depth of thought in the most mundane of places. For instance, whites and colors get along just fine in the washer if you set it on cold. Add a degree of heat or friction and things are destroyed. Although not all friction is bad, friction concieved in hate breeds discension. At such a young age could Rocky have perceived his behavior as hate. I tend to think not, but now I'm able to see that when I couldn't see it then. Not only has age allowed me to realize that children may sometimes just be inaccurate, but it's allowed me to see past situations from a completely different perspective. May God grant you with enlightenment and a renewed perspective and may it open your eyes to God in all corners of life.

Honesty

So lately it has come to my attention that honesty is really important to me. Much like many people I would rather people tell me the truth than lie to save their own obligations, but I'm talking about honesty in a different context here. I appreciate people who decide to be completely and utterly honest. By honesty I don't mean " yeah I stole that pack of gum when I was seven and I'm real sorry" honesty. I'm speaking of a much deeper, realistic honesty. The type of truth that can change a life or the world even. For instance for Christmas I received a CD of a man by the name of Ray Lamontagne. In a song entitled Jolene he has this to say
Cocaine flame in my bloodstream. Sold my coat when I hit Spokane, bought a hard pack of cigarettes in the early morning rain. Lately my hands, they don't feel like mine. My eyes been stung with dust and blind, held you in my arms one time lost you just the same. Jolene I'm not about to go straight, it's to late. I found myself face down in the ditch, boose in my hair blood on my lips, picture of you holding a picture of me in the pocket of my blue jeans. I still don't know what love means, still don't know what love means.
Now that's honesty. That is honest to God, straight from the heart, unadulterated truth. It's not everyday you find a junkie who realizes what he's doing is wrong on his own. Few do it so poignantly and poetically. You have a man who is running from feelings and emotions that he's never experienced and they scare him. He's been running all of his life he just doesn't know it, or does he? His addictions have robbed him of the things that mean the most, in this case her name is Jolene. He's lost in his addiction and hammered out of his mind when all of a sudden comes a still, quiet but earth shattering thought concieved in clarity. "I love you so much, but I just can't change and it won't happen any time soon. I'm lost and I want to be found, but I am my own worst enemy." Now that's my opinion of what he's saying in the lyrics, but then again that's what makes music so great, it's open to interpretation. That type of truth is the kind that can solve huge problems. When a man bares his soul he finds the root of the problem, only then can things begin to improve. They say that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. He's right there, he's on the edge of something huge. He sees the problem and the only one who can help him fix it is miles away. There the tension lies, so thick he can't brush it away. Theres only one thing to do.... go home.
We're all lost at some point. Even Peter was lost. I heard this story as I had heard millions of times again tonight and once again it touched me. A man who truly loved Jesus. From day one he listened, learned, and experienced things that only very few precious ones experience in the presence of God. He took all of this and on the night Jesus was crucified He denied that he knew Jesus not once, not twice, but three times. It was on the third time that he heard a rooster crow. It was then that he knew the gravity of the situation. It was then that he experienced clarity. He wept. It was clear to him what he had done and the one person that could fix it was miles away caught between life and death. The twist to this story is Jesus rises from the dead and Peter and him get to talk once more and when Jesus asks Peter if he loves him not once, not twice, but three times Peter confronts him with honesty each time. Yes, Lord you know I love you. That was honesty that Peter could affirm in his own heart that not only Jesus knew, but Peter knew that everything was fixed. Peter took that honest moment and changed the world because it was followed with these words: feed my sheep. That honesty lead to action and that action changed the world. Peter was home in that truth.
Where is the truth and honesty that you seek? It's been given to you through your experiences and convictions. Dig deep and you'll find it like Ray and Peter found it, but don't expect it to unearth itself that easily. Truth that changes the world takes us to the brink, through our darkest days in order to be tested and primed through the fire. When it's forged it's perfect. May God forge you and shape you and find favor in you. May you find your way home and may he light your path.

play the game

In order to do well in any profession we are told we have to learn how to "play the game." What does that even mean. If you are really serious about what you want to do that might seem like you would be taking away the validity of what you do. I've always had a problem with this statement and if the truth were told that would be one of the reasons I dropped out of teaching. Instead of finding something innocent and worth while I found a world wrought with tension and politics. Because of this I was spooked, in turn I walked from a game and a profession that I loved. What exactly is this idea of a game within society infrastructure? is it really a game or just an expression?
The other day I was watching the movie "The Lords of Dogtown." For those of you who don't know this is the story of some young boys who end up becoming legendary skateboarders and absolutely change the face of the sport. They set the tone for what the sport became. Personally I don't think this was their goal at the beginning of thier fascination with skateboarding. I think they found something that was new, interesting, and compelling to them. What ensued after they found it was a passion that spurred them further and further as they invented new moves and ideas. What they found the further they went into this endeavor was that at the highest level of the sport was politics and tension. All of a sudden the purity and innocence of the sport had vanished. All the things that endeared them to the sport and the people they had met along the way at some point had gotten twisted by greed. Just like anything else there were good sides and bad sides to this new level. Those that knew the game survived, those that didn't faded from the lime light. The thing that inspired me about the movie was the characters that actually played the game of corporate skating did not lose their flare and love for what they did. That's the main reason they were successful. They had vision, passion, and wisdom to light their path.
A friend of mine who has been teaching for three years reminds of this. His name is Greg, and he is the one that alerted me to the game side of teaching. At first I believed that anyone who would think of teaching as a game must be a cold, self- serving, and calculating individual, but the more I see Greg in his element as a teacher the more I see those ideas disproven right in front of my eyes. He loves children and he loves to teach, that is what spurs him on. Everyone who is considered noteworthy at what they do have the same thing in common. They have that passion and wisdom within the realm of the game. The game presents itself in everything, but if one can see past the politics into the greater good and the deeper meaning then one can accomplish much. Greg has shown me that I don't have to be part of the game, but I must be mindful of it. Within this knowledge and wisdom only then can I enter into the meat and heart of what we do and that is the impressionable minds and hearts of young people and that's where I long to be.