Honesty

So lately it has come to my attention that honesty is really important to me. Much like many people I would rather people tell me the truth than lie to save their own obligations, but I'm talking about honesty in a different context here. I appreciate people who decide to be completely and utterly honest. By honesty I don't mean " yeah I stole that pack of gum when I was seven and I'm real sorry" honesty. I'm speaking of a much deeper, realistic honesty. The type of truth that can change a life or the world even. For instance for Christmas I received a CD of a man by the name of Ray Lamontagne. In a song entitled Jolene he has this to say
Cocaine flame in my bloodstream. Sold my coat when I hit Spokane, bought a hard pack of cigarettes in the early morning rain. Lately my hands, they don't feel like mine. My eyes been stung with dust and blind, held you in my arms one time lost you just the same. Jolene I'm not about to go straight, it's to late. I found myself face down in the ditch, boose in my hair blood on my lips, picture of you holding a picture of me in the pocket of my blue jeans. I still don't know what love means, still don't know what love means.
Now that's honesty. That is honest to God, straight from the heart, unadulterated truth. It's not everyday you find a junkie who realizes what he's doing is wrong on his own. Few do it so poignantly and poetically. You have a man who is running from feelings and emotions that he's never experienced and they scare him. He's been running all of his life he just doesn't know it, or does he? His addictions have robbed him of the things that mean the most, in this case her name is Jolene. He's lost in his addiction and hammered out of his mind when all of a sudden comes a still, quiet but earth shattering thought concieved in clarity. "I love you so much, but I just can't change and it won't happen any time soon. I'm lost and I want to be found, but I am my own worst enemy." Now that's my opinion of what he's saying in the lyrics, but then again that's what makes music so great, it's open to interpretation. That type of truth is the kind that can solve huge problems. When a man bares his soul he finds the root of the problem, only then can things begin to improve. They say that the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. He's right there, he's on the edge of something huge. He sees the problem and the only one who can help him fix it is miles away. There the tension lies, so thick he can't brush it away. Theres only one thing to do.... go home.
We're all lost at some point. Even Peter was lost. I heard this story as I had heard millions of times again tonight and once again it touched me. A man who truly loved Jesus. From day one he listened, learned, and experienced things that only very few precious ones experience in the presence of God. He took all of this and on the night Jesus was crucified He denied that he knew Jesus not once, not twice, but three times. It was on the third time that he heard a rooster crow. It was then that he knew the gravity of the situation. It was then that he experienced clarity. He wept. It was clear to him what he had done and the one person that could fix it was miles away caught between life and death. The twist to this story is Jesus rises from the dead and Peter and him get to talk once more and when Jesus asks Peter if he loves him not once, not twice, but three times Peter confronts him with honesty each time. Yes, Lord you know I love you. That was honesty that Peter could affirm in his own heart that not only Jesus knew, but Peter knew that everything was fixed. Peter took that honest moment and changed the world because it was followed with these words: feed my sheep. That honesty lead to action and that action changed the world. Peter was home in that truth.
Where is the truth and honesty that you seek? It's been given to you through your experiences and convictions. Dig deep and you'll find it like Ray and Peter found it, but don't expect it to unearth itself that easily. Truth that changes the world takes us to the brink, through our darkest days in order to be tested and primed through the fire. When it's forged it's perfect. May God forge you and shape you and find favor in you. May you find your way home and may he light your path.