Life= non-linear

Everyone lives the same life, right? Child's born, child grows, graduates, get's perfect job, meets spouse, settles down, gets married, and has 2.3 children. That's how everyone's life progresses. That's how I used to think, somewhere in the back of my mind with every decision I made I thought that regardless of what happens my life will obtain this steady progression where everything will fall into place exactly when I want it to, because I was in God's favor. Not only is this a niave and lazy way to think, it's quite dangerous as well. Life lived under this philosophy is totally void of any responsibility or accountability.
I lived through four years of college going through a major that I knew I was supposed to pursue, but I never did it with my whole heart. My life had no purpose, goal, or joy and because of that my mind and my heart were disconnected. One had no idea where the other was. I was floating through life. This all changed when God gave me the kick in the balls I needed to wake me up.
My senior year in college I was in the middle of my easily progressing life waiting for the climax of my college career as I was entering student teaching, the final piece to my young adult life, but I was still living this noncommital life style. Life was all cake and ice cream after this. Well one thing lead to another and I dropped out of student teaching with a mere five weeks left. All of a sudden my life wasn't progressing, it was backsliding. How could this happen, why would it happen to me. I had God's favor, what could I do to lose it. You know what they say, use it or lose it. It was pretty obvious that I had failed to make use of the many opportunities God had given me and now it was time for me to decide what I wanted my life to be. All of a sudden I looked at my life and the cons totally outweighed the pros. I had a college degree, but what was I going to do with a general studies degree. I still lived with my parents at the time, I was 22 and I was still single. Somewhere along the line I lost that easy, comfortable progressive life I wanted to lead. Everything I thought college was going to bring into my life looked to be taken away by college. Soon after graduation I took a job as a youth for Christ director and I began to learn something about life I never realized. You get out of life what you put into life. Slowly, but surely I gained confidence in these talents that I thought weren't even there as I worked at YFC. The more of me I put into my job the more of the kids I got. They would share their lives, their fears, joys, and families with me. All of a sudden I looked around and I liked where I was. I loved my job, I was now living on my own, and life was happening. My life was in that steady progression again. That didn't last long. I was layed- off due to funding in April of 05. Okay so now I'm unemployed, I have a worthless degree, and I have no idea what I'm going to do. Well to me that is as good of a time as any to pray. So I did. I poured my heart out to God everyday for provision and wisdom and trust. All through that summer he was there. I would paint this guys house, help roof that guys house, then another guy would want me to paint his house. Little my little I was making my life happen by acting on the gifts God would present to me. I was making it through the summer in an unusual zen like manner. August began to loom in the not so distant future and I knew that outside work wouldn't be available much longer. So one day as I was painting I reached a concensus in my heart of hearts. I could never do anything professional where I was not working with and encouraging children. 1 hour later I was talking with my former elementary school principal about getting a job at the local middle school as an instructional assistant. He had been looking for someone to fill the position and when he ran into my parents at lunch he learned that I was looking for a job. Since that particular position only required two years of college experience and I had an actual degree I was eligible. Within a week I had the job. After one semester of working there not only did I once again feel like education was the field for me, I had actual, tangible, heart felt evidence. Now I could see the big picture. If I couldn't see how I fit into the system as a teacher, then why would God put me in the middle of a situation as full time teacher when I wasn't ready. It was good that those weaknesses surfaced when they did instead of waiting until I passed student teaching and happened after taxpayers were paying my salary and getting nothing for it. He needed to equip me. He needed to show that I was capable of moblizing students to think about life differently. He needed to show me that I could be a functional member of a school staff. Through two jobs and a year and a half of related experiences I knew it was time.
Now I'm on the threshold of something huge. I'm currently planning to complete my teaching liscence in the coming year. No I'm not an acceptable age to take undergraduate classes, but what is age. It means nothing. No, I'm not where I wanted to be at 23 either, but I'm getting there and more importantly I feel God leading and guiding the entire process. No I'm not married, but what good is a broken man before he's been mended and charged for his second chapter. Now I see life in all of its facets and truly know what it is to be humble. To be discreetly aware of my shortcomings and talents and going in to situations that may challenge me with no fear. After all, life is not about me, it's about the result of the time I'm given. It's not about slowly building, it's about learning. Life not about falling, it's about always getting up with renewed mind, body, and spirit. It's about using those experiences to the glory of God.