Linger

Lately I've been into searching for words on the internet. You know I'll read a book or a magazine and when I come across a word I've never seen or am not quite sure about I'll look it up. It's all part of my getting smarter '06 campaign. Well anyway I already knew what this word meant, but I decided to look up the definition for linger today just to see what it said. There were about four different definitions for the word, but the following was the one that stood out the most; To remain feebly alive for some time before dying. Powerful words. This hit me, because lately I've looked at my life in the terms of progression and to be completely honest I don't see very much of that taking place. I feel that within a majority of the situations that I've experienced I pray for them to end and I take the easy way out and take a deep breath when I don't have to deal with it anymore. That doesn't prevent it from reoccuring, it just allows it to be worse the second time around. In other words I'm lingering within this viscious cycle because I fail to learn anything the first time around and I never change anything. According to the definition of linger I'm am barely alive in my current state. In order to move on I must die to the very things that are killing me. Only then can I be fully alive. I must rip that part of me from me and separate myself from my tendencies that keep me from changing. Life is a series of instances where we fail over and over again until we fall for the last time and we go on with the knowledge we acquired through our mistakes and we bring life into that area of our existance. So yes, everyday I linger in some reoccuring attitude or habit, but in Christ I have hope that trascends all understanding that one day something in me will click and God will grant me bounty in this area of my life. The road block between us and this bounty is the lack of belief and faithfulness in our situation. The comforting part is the fact that God is always faithful to us. In knowing this I'm encouraged, but that doesn't make the current state of things any less frustrating. Then again faithfulness is being hopeful in occasional bleak circumstances.